The Connection Between Play and Healing for Adoptive Families
Written By: Helene Timpone
Adoption is a beautiful journey, but it often comes with layers of complex emotions, past wounds, and the need for deep healing — both for children and parents. In the midst of all this, something as simple as play can be a powerful force for connection and restoration. More than just a way to pass time, play can become a bridge to trust, emotional growth, and meaningful attachment. In this post, we’ll explore how play supports healing in adoptive families and how everyday moments of joy can create lasting transformation.
Why Play Matters in Adoption
For children who have experienced early adversity, trauma, or disruptions in caregiving, play is more than a pastime — it becomes a vital tool for healing and connection. In the context of adoption, where trust and attachment may need to be rebuilt or established for the first time, play offers a safe, nonverbal way for children to express themselves and begin forming secure relationships. While adoptive parents may sometimes feel uncertain about the significance of play, especially when their child has complex emotional needs, it’s important to understand that play is a child’s natural language.
Through play, children explore their world, communicate feelings they may not yet have words for, and test the waters of relational safety. When a parent sits down and engages in a game of make-believe or joins a child on the floor with building blocks, they’re doing more than having fun — they’re sending a powerful message: You matter. I’m here. I’m safe. These moments of shared experience can begin to repair the effects of past trauma, slowly weaving new threads of security and trust into the parent-child relationship.
In adoption, where past losses or transitions may make connection feel fragile or confusing, play becomes a gentle way to say, "Let’s figure this out together." It invites joy, creativity, and freedom — things every child deserves — while also nurturing the deeper emotional work that supports long-term healing.
Rebuilding Safety and Trust Through Play
One of the most essential needs for children who have been adopted is the experience of felt safety — the deep, internal knowing that they are safe, secure, and cared for. For many, especially those who have experienced inconsistent caregiving, abuse, or neglect, this sense of safety doesn’t come automatically. It must be earned over time through consistent, attuned interactions. Play offers a gentle and effective pathway to begin rebuilding that foundation.
When a parent enters a child’s world through play, they’re doing more than participating in a fun activity — they’re showing up in a way that is predictable, non-threatening, and responsive. These qualities matter deeply to a child who may be testing whether the adults in their life can truly be trusted. In a playful setting, children can experiment with roles, express curiosity, and even reenact past fears or worries — all within the safety of a relationship that doesn’t shame or withdraw.
Trust is often formed in small, repeated moments: a parent following the child’s lead without judgment, responding to a silly game with matching energy, or staying calm when the play takes a chaotic turn. Over time, these moments add up. They become internalized as evidence that this relationship is different — that this adult is safe, consistent, and emotionally available.
Through play, adoptive parents have the opportunity to meet their child’s nervous system with calm, to communicate safety without needing the right words, and to begin healing old wounds with new, affirming experiences. It may not look like therapy in the traditional sense, but its impact can be just as profound.
Strengthening Attachment Bonds
Attachment doesn’t happen all at once — it builds slowly, through repeated interactions where a child feels seen, soothed, and supported. For adoptive families, this process can take time, especially if the child comes with a history of disrupted or painful relationships. Play becomes a powerful tool in this journey, offering a natural way to nurture connection and closeness without pressure.
When parents join their child in play, they’re not only engaging in a shared activity — they’re entering the child’s world. Following their lead, responding to their cues, and staying present in the moment helps a child feel understood and valued. These seemingly simple acts form the building blocks of secure attachment. In these moments, the child begins to learn that this relationship is different — that their parent is emotionally available, attuned, and dependable.
Relational play, especially the kind that involves face-to-face interaction, touch, or laughter, activates the same systems in the brain that early bonding experiences do. Activities like peek-a-boo, rough-and-tumble play, or storytelling not only promote joy but also reinforce the emotional back-and-forth that helps children feel deeply connected. This is especially important for children who missed early attachment milestones or learned to be self-reliant too soon.
As trust deepens, play can become a space where children take emotional risks — expressing needs, showing vulnerability, or seeking comfort — and experience a new outcome: connection instead of rejection. Over time, these experiences shift internal beliefs about relationships and begin to rewrite the story of what it means to be loved and safe with another person.
Emotional Regulation and Expression
For many adopted children, emotions can feel overwhelming, confusing, or even unsafe. Past trauma, loss, or inconsistent caregiving can leave them without the tools to name or manage what they’re feeling. This is where play becomes more than just an outlet for energy — it becomes a bridge to emotional regulation and expression.
In play, children often show us what they can’t yet say. Through pretend scenarios, drawings, games, or physical movement, they begin to process big emotions like fear, sadness, anger, or joy. A game of hide-and-seek might become a way to explore separation and reunion. A make-believe story could reflect internal worries or unspoken hopes. These moments offer parents insight into what their child might be carrying emotionally, and they create gentle opportunities for reflection, reassurance, and co-regulation.
When parents engage in this kind of play with openness and curiosity, they’re helping their child feel safe enough to express themselves. Just as importantly, they’re modeling how to stay grounded in the midst of strong feelings. By staying calm when play becomes chaotic or intense, or by gently helping a child name their feelings in the moment, parents begin to teach regulation in real time.
Over time, this process helps children develop an internal sense of safety — one where emotions are not dangerous, and expressing them won’t lead to rejection or abandonment. Play, in this way, becomes a rehearsal space for life: a place where children can explore who they are, what they feel, and how to manage those feelings within the safety of a trusting relationship.
Practical Tips for Intentional Play at Home
Creating opportunities for intentional play at home doesn’t require fancy toys or perfectly planned activities — what matters most is presence, attunement, and a willingness to follow your child’s lead. For adoptive families, this kind of play can be a powerful way to nurture connection, build trust, and support emotional healing. It starts with making space for play that feels safe, consistent, and responsive.
Child-led Play
One of the most effective approaches is child-led play. Let your child choose the activity and guide how it unfolds. Whether they’re lining up toy animals, building with blocks, or acting out a story with dolls or action figures, your role is to be present and engaged without taking over. Reflect back what you see, respond to their cues, and match their energy. This shows your child that they are seen and valued just as they are.
Routines and Rituals
Routines and rituals can also be powerful. A short, predictable playtime each day — even just 10 or 15 minutes — can become a touchstone for your child, reinforcing the idea that you are available and consistent. Simple games like rolling a ball back and forth, storytelling, or even playful interactions during daily tasks (like turning toothbrushing into a silly song) can foster connection without adding pressure.
Stay Curious and Calm
When emotions arise during play — and they often do — resist the urge to redirect or “fix” the moment. Instead, try to stay curious and calm. Allow the expression to unfold, offering comfort and support as needed. These moments are often where the most healing happens.
No Need to Do It Alone
And finally, know that you don’t have to do it all alone. If your child’s play seems to reflect deep or distressing themes, or if you feel overwhelmed by how to engage, consider partnering with a play therapist or adoption-informed counselor. Play is a powerful tool, and when used with intention and care, it can become one of your greatest assets in building a secure, connected, and healing relationship with your child.
Conclusion
Play may seem simple on the surface, but for adoptive families, it holds the potential to transform relationships, nurture healing, and build the foundation for lasting connection. Through playful moments, children learn to trust, express themselves, and feel truly seen. And for parents, these interactions become a pathway to deeper understanding and emotional closeness. By embracing play with intention and compassion, families can create a safe and joyful space where healing begins — one moment at a time.
At Parent Cooperative Community, we are dedicated to supporting adoptive families every step of the way. If you have any questions or need assistance, please reach out to us. Together, we can build loving and lasting family bonds. Contact us today to learn more!